Am I a Control Freak?

So often in life we find ourselves stressing and can’t quite get a grasp on the situation. When this happens we might feel like a control freak. I did this myself for a long time, and truthfully still do from time to time. What I have found is that I am trying to control a situation that is outside my control. We are led to believe that we can do anything, well, a lot falls into the category “anything”. However, we really can’t control a lot. We are not all-powerful beings, and just because we want something to be a certain way does not mean that with enough effort it will be that way. So often decisions we are wanting to make, or goals we are trying to reach also depend on things outside of ourselves. This is why we can try with all our might, and do our best, but still not meet our mark. We don’t control every outcome.

How can we start to recognize when we are spending too much time and energy trying to control something that is outside of our control. First, we need to recognize the different levels of this concept. There are the things that are completely outside of our control, the things that we may have some influence over, but no actual control, and then the things that we do control. There are some great infographics to demonstrate this. Here is one. As you can see the things that are in our control have the smallest area on the graph, because we have actual control over so little.

So, what is NOT in our control. The weather, of course. The economic climate. The political climate. The actions of our past selves. How other people act, and what they say. How can you tell if something is outside your control? Well, let’s say my son has a big test coming up and a lot depends on that score. I can help him study, I can set rules regarding studying, but I can do nothing to actually affect how he absorbs that knowledge, and how he does on the test. This is where we must know that it is outside our control. If any action you take has no bearing on the outcome, it is outside your control.

What about things that we may influence. The previous example could possibly be in this category. I made sure he had study materials and time to work on preparing for the exam. This is how I influence the situation, however still, I have zero control over how it turns out. In truth, our health falls into this category. We could spend our life eating “healthy” and exercising, and taking vitamins, but we can still get sick, cancer, break bones, inherit a disease…. The list goes on. We can influence our health, but ultimately it is outside our control.

Now, what IS in our control. That list is pretty small. Our reactions. Our values. The way we treat people. The effort I put into something. These are the things to focus our attention on. When we let go of things that are outside our control it allows us more space to focus on ourselves and our goals.

It can be hard to make this shift. However, it is possible to let go of trying to control others, and everything, and only focus on what we can control. This allows us to let go of some of the stress we carry.

Give it a try! You can do it.